Impatience behind high divorce rates – Octogenarian married for 53 years

Mrs Abigail Fafowora, a former teacher and businesswoman, speaks to TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about her transition from one profession to another, building a marriage founded on patience and strong values, and embracing life with deep gratitude and fulfilment at 84

How do you feel at 84 years?

I feel good. It is purely by the grace of God. At 84, every single day feels like a gift I did not earn but was lovingly given. When I wake up each morning and can still see the sun, move my body, and call the names of my children and grandchildren, my heart is full of gratitude.

What was growing up like for you?

Growing up was fun. I am from Ijebu Ijesha, but my husband was from Ilesha. I come from a nice family and I am the first child of my parents. I was born in a place called Ago Are in Oyo State, while my parents lived in Oke Ogun, also in Oyo State.

When I was around four or five years old, they brought me to Ijebu Ijesha to live with my grandmother. I finished school in 1956—we called it “standard” back then, not primary school. I later went to modern school in Saki, Oyo State, where I lived with a relative. I have younger siblings, and I am the first of five children.

When did you get married?

I got married in 1964. I was teaching in a school in Oyo State when I met my husband. My husband worked with an organisation not far from my workplace. We met, he showed interest, and he liked me, partly because I am an Ijesha lady.

For how long were you into teaching?

Three years. I can’t remember exactly what happened that made me leave, but I pulled out of teaching and switched to business, selling building materials. It was a successful business that I ran for a long period of time. I enjoyed it and only left the trade some years ago.

What convinced you to marry him?

He had a very good character, and that first drew my heart to him. In our time, we did not focus too much on wealth or sweet words; we valued character. A man’s character was considered his true wealth.

Marriage was not something we entered into carelessly. We were taught that love is not only about feelings; it is about patience, endurance, and commitment. I saw in him a man who would not run away when challenges came.

Truly, in our years together, we faced many trials, financial struggles, raising children, sickness, and the ups and downs of life, but he remained steady. He is late now.

How did you feel when you had your first child?

I felt excited. In those days, the fruit of marriage was having children, so it was truly a joyful and unforgettable moment for me. When I first held my baby in my arms, my heart was full of gratitude, full of wonder, and even a little fear. I remember looking at that tiny face and thinking, ‘So, I am someone’s mother now.’ It felt like a new chapter of my life had just begun.

It was not only my joy; it was my husband’s joy and the joy of the entire family. In our time, the arrival of a first child brought so much celebration. Relatives came around, neighbours visited, prayers were said, and there was laughter in the house.

My husband was very proud. I could see it in the way he carried the baby carefully and smiled quietly to himself. Years later, we gave birth to other children, which was equally fulfilling.

How was raising children in your days compared to now?

Ah, raising children in our days was very different from what I see now. Life was simpler, but it was also stricter. Children were brought up with strong discipline and deep respect for elders.

If an older person was speaking, you did not interrupt. If your parents sent you on an errand, you ran; you did not walk slowly. Respect was something we were taught from a very young age.

In our days, parenting was not done by the mother alone; it was a community effort. Aunties, uncles, neighbours — everyone could correct a child. If you misbehaved outside, your parents would hear about it before you even reached home, and instead of defending you blindly, they would correct you first. That helped us grow with good manners and accountability.

We did not have all the modern conveniences you have now, no internet, no mobile phones, no television in every room. Children played outside; we created our own games, used our imagination, and learnt to interact face to face. It built strong bonds and resilience. Today, I see many children more attached to screens than to people.

But I will also say this: every generation has its own challenges. In our time, there was less exposure, but there was also less access to information and opportunities. Now, children are smarter in many ways. They are exposed to the world early and can learn so much at the touch of a button. That is a blessing, if guided properly.

The difference I notice most is patience. In our days, we endured more. Parents sacrificed quietly. Children were taught to persevere. Today, things move very fast and sometimes that patience is missing. But I am grateful to God that my children were properly raised.

What helped your marriage to last long?

I would say patience. Patience was the foundation of our marriage. In our time, we understood that two different people coming together under one roof would not always agree. There were misunderstandings, moments of silence, and sometimes even tears. But we learnt to be patient with one another.

Patience taught me to listen more than I spoke. It taught me that anger does not solve problems, but calm discussion does. There were days when I had to hold my words and wait for the right time to speak, and there were days my husband did the same. Marriage is not about winning arguments; it is about protecting the peace of your home.

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